Archive for the ‘Say it ain't so!’ Category

What do you get with a couple of bathtubs, yeast, a pinch of bacteria, and several cups of sweetened green tea? I guessed a terrible yeast infection at 4 o’clock teatime, but designer Suzanne Lee calls this piece of work BioCouture. It’s basically my worst nightmare- A JACKET MADE OF BACTERIA. I already get a little skeeved out at vintage stores (I mean, I wash the skank out of stuff when I buy used), but nothing comes close to this. It sort of looks like beef jerky or better yet, something out of Buffalo Bill’s basement closet. Read more about the process here, if you care. I’m gonna skip lunch today.

photos: io9 ( thanks Reuben!)

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Back when I was in high school and college, I used to skip school and go to NYC for the day. Sometimes I’d miss the last bus back home and I’d be stranded in NYC ( oh no!) until the early early morning bus. I would take full advantage and go nightclub hopping from Spa to the Limelight, etc…Sometimes I would seriously want to just sit down and take a nap and so I would- in a nightclub because I felt safer at a nightclub than the Port Authority. Anyway, one of these iconic nightclubs that I used to dance away, brush my teeth and nap at was The Limelight. Home slice got a makeover into a damn mall. Thankfully, It’s a mall more in the vain of Henri Bendel than Mall of America. Next time I’m back in NYC, I’m gonna have to relive my moments by going to every mini shop and retrace by steps… like that’s where I barfed, that’s where I passed out, that’s where I hid my fur coat so I could get into the club, that’s where I picked some guys pocket, etc. etc…. Funny how life changes.

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photos: Limelight Market Place

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You will be missed dearly, Mr. McQueen.

I’m gonna go cry a friggin’ river now.

photos: Wireimage

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Designer Brian Lichtenberg has decided to take the one cute thing in the world and make it beyond hideous. This dreadful piece can be yours for $2,100. Or save yourself $2,990 and buy a Gizmo stuffed doll and hot glue gun it to a mini-skirt. Seriously, the idea isn’t that bad, it’s the execution that is at fault. Check out the side view of this monstrosity. Tucks- need not apply and even if you have nothing to tuck, it looks like you’re hiding something. And by something I mean a gut-over -bagina or an unfortunate case of crotch-rot (DO NOT CLICK HERE IF YOU DON”T WANT TO VOMIT UNCONTROLLABLY)*. I need to look at some Chanel to cleanse my palette.

* Shut down and unplug your computer to avoid a short from the vomit you just spewed.

photos: The Trendy Girl

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Polly Van der Glas has taken human parts like hair and teeth to construct his creepy jewelry and accessories line. Check out the brass knuckles (first photo) made out of teeth. Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? You can knock out teeth with teeth! This is some CSI sh*t! Imagine finding out your jewelry belongs to a missing person- dang. Be sure to check out Polly’s other jewelry/accessories, especially the human hair purse.  I wonder if her studio has moths and butterflies….he he.

photo: Trend de la Creme

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Vivienne Westwood’s Spring 2010 collection looked like something the local lady hobo would wear after raiding the Salvation Army’s rejects. This was a mess all around. I wish Viv would get back to doing beautiful gowns without the busy fabrics and jumbled ensembles. I didn’t see any corsets in her collection, which for is basically what she’s famous for. My motto is ‘Do what you’re good at’ and also ‘Don’t eff with something that doesn’t need to be effed with.’ Like my dentist keeps hounding me to pull this one baby tooth I have. Yeah, I still have one baby tooth. Weird, but true. But, it doesn’t hurt me , it doesn’t look too FUG (I assume) and I still can eat food comfortably. So why pull it!? Anyway, the point is: Vivienne needs to refocus on the gown and stop with all the BS prints. She needs to ‘simmer-down now’ as Cheri Oteri would say!

photos: Style

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I am charmed to see that Moschino has come back from the routine and dreadful with more designs that are more, well,  Moschino-like. Moschino is famous for the whimsical and tongue and cheek designs that make it distinct to a trained eye (I learned it from Miss Fine from the The Nanny!) Anyway, I fondly remember the magnificent boutique on Madison Ave in NYC. It was 3 floors of Moschino fantasy that involved oversized doors, twisting stairwells and colorful murals reminiscent of an upscale dollhouse. It closed over 15 years ago and  I still remember the tears I shed after I trekked from Providence, RI on a hot, humid day on the Greyhound bus (I traveled in style, I know) to shop,  learning they had up and disappeared. Pouf. And just like that- I went next door to Fauchon ( also closed  now) and downed a pound of macaroons to silence my sorrows and whimpering. I was 18.  Lucky for us, Moschino recently opened in the Meat Packing District of NYC- yay! But it’s decor is not what it was before- it’s much more conservative now.

* my eyes are welling up right now… Why? Because I missed the sale of the century when they closed. Damn you , Moschino!

photos: Style

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Two fashion things I hate in this world  (except for scrunchies and UGG boots) are sweatpants and khakis. Alexander Wang had a personal vendetta to make me cringe and vomit  when he designed his Spring 2010 collection. Why do I dislike these two hideously, inferior fabrics, you ask?

-Khaki’s remind me of frat boys wearing khaki’s. They also remind me of safari wear, which in turn reminds me of the movie,   Out of Africa and further spurs my memory to the time when  I was 7 and was forced to see this movie in a theater with my family. That was one expensive and uncomfortable nap. Scarred!

– Sweatpants reminds me of my tween, tomboy stage where I wore yellow Benetton sweatpants endlessly. It matched the family car- a yellow Toyota ( nefariously nicknamed the ‘Bina-Banana mobile’). Scarred, once again!

Stop this insanity!! Serenity now.

photos: Style

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Designer Reid Peppard must not have a rodent problem in his apartment. Why? Because this dude makes them into jewelry,  purses and headpieces. The animals must be like ‘eff this ! I quit this b*tch! I’m moving on to the next apartment!” At least that’s what I would do if I were a rat. At the same time, I would be preserved for everyone to see my beautiful rat -self. This is so hard! Anyway, thankfully , I’m not a Rat (just a moosh :)) and I don’t have to make life decisions like that.  This reminds me of that rat movie, Willard, with Crispin (crispy) Glover. What the hell happened to him? He was pretty good. Anyway, seeing that you’re already going to lose your lunch any minute, I wanted to let everyone know I will make my cats into taxidermy after their death (in a sleeping pose , of course). Here’s the site that does it for you. That way it’s like they are just taking a really, really, really long nap.  I dread that day, though. By the way, this dude’s definitely going to hell for this.

photos: Reid Peppard

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After 22 years of designing, Christian Lacroix is closing its legendary design house. That sucks. Apparently, the slumping economy is to blame. I think everything is the economy’s fault. I think the endless rain in the East Coast is the economy! I think polar bears becoming cannibals are the economy’s fault. I think my cat’s spinal cord injury is because of the damn economy! The economy killed Michael Jackson! I’m getting off track, BUT if you see the economy, smack him in the face for me. I’ll stop. Anyway, wipe away your tears, because it seems like Lacroix may be making a comeback probably after the economy is done crapping on everyone! Let’s keep our fingers crossed and give the economy a laxative to just let it bottom out (no pun) faster. Sorry for the imagery.  By the way, his last wedding dress was spectacular! Long live Lacroix!

photos: Style

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