A chapeau for every almost occasion….

Le Tour de Force designs quirky hats and  fascinators that would make even an ordinary face  extraordinary. As you may know, I LOVE hats and even have a department store hat rack in my closet. The thing about these fantastic hats is that if you wear them on a regular day , say…  grocery shopping or going to the post office , you know you’re going to get stares from the 2 year old that barely talks to the old lady with curlers still in her hair to the pissed off postal dude to the Chola cashier with an eyebrow ring to the hippie/beach bum who stinks like cheap wine standing behind you. There I just ran your average day at the post office  and grocery store. Well, that’s my average day. Anyway, these hats are fabulous and I wish I was invited to more Galas and Balls just so I can wear these.

photos: Kingdom of Style

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More Fug Shoes…..

These shoes are anything but usual. Imagine the engineering that went into creating these shoes. One has a missing a piece, the other is teetering precariously, another has a chunk missing. Really? They should get the design team of these shoes on to design airplanes and skyscrapers and like, other stuff. My fave out of the bunch is the first photo with black stalactites growing from the boots. That is some kyptonite looking boots. I think Alexander McQueen designed those.  The rest I could do without.

photos: The Lipstick Diaries

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What recession?

 

File this under EFFED UP. (I just did).  Hermès is experiencing ‘Massive demands’ for their Fugly hag bags called the ‘Birkin’. Apparently, they make 3,000 crocodile bags per year.  It  takes 3-4 crocodiles to make one hideous Hermès bag. That’s a lot of damn crocodiles.  Some foolios pay up to  $48,410 a bag. So, Hermès has started breeding more crocodiles at a farm in Australia to continue the Fug Birkin legacy and keep up with demand. (Someone’s going to Hell- first class, of course) I don’t know what the obsession is with animal hide, especially exotic ones. Is it the subconscious telling you that you must carry an exotic, dangerous animal hide to make you look powerful, like in a tribal way? Something tells me that 60 year old lady didn’t wrestle the crocodile to make that handbag. She bought it- Like The Emperor’s new clothes. I think the crocodiles can appreciate the fact that they are going to be eye candy in the after life- at least the gay ones. (‘ I’m gonna be a Birkin one day!’)- I’m kidding – save your emails…

photos: The CUT, Animal Danger

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Lulu wears Grimace

Lulu Guinness is wonderful! Here she is wearing a ‘Grimace‘ dress to the 20th Anniversary Party for her company. In case you don’t know, she designs whimsical accessories that Franco Moschino would have been proud of. By the way, I have that same lips handbag. If I could have a dress in the spirit of any cartoon , I think it would have to be Miss Piggy. She really embodies my whole life mantra. I mean, pink is my most favorite color in the whole world. Miss Piggy is pink! She also has an extensive wardrobe, much like mine. She also has an expensive wardrobe, much like mine. And her attitude is as if she was my long lost sister. Maybe we are! Split at birth! I do have the better nose, though. 

photos: The CUT

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Origami Dress

 

 

These Origami-esque paper dresses are by Icelandic artist Andrea Maack , which was presented at The Reykjavik Art Museum in Iceland. Each dress took about 200 hours to make. Dang! That’s a lot of work for not being able to wear the dress ever. I mean, imagine if you ripped it while tying your shoes or something. That would suck. Paper Couture is all the rage among artists and designers now. Is fabric that expensive? Maybe they don’t want to sew? I understand that, I can’t figure out the bobbin thingy and the bobbin threading. I always end up cursing the sewing machine and then using fabric glue, which makes my project look like a Home Ec craft from a jock. We need massive advancements in sewing in the Bobbin department. 

photos: Diane Pernet

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Hid. E. Ous.

Good God! What IS this? I did a little research on who designed these Fuggity Fug Shoes and came to no avail. It was destiny. I spared them their identity.(Mr. Mystery Designer: Your spelcum!)  Anyway, these Bear claw shoes are nothing but trouble , especially if you have to go through security at the airport. Consider yourself detained before you even arrive. These could have also been molded out of this elegant lady’s feet.  Speaking of claws, I’m against declawing a cat.  I tried to paint Mr. MarMar’s nails once and it went over terribly. I chose him out of all of my kitties because of his milky white fur- it would make the hot pink pop, you know? If I had to wear these shoes, I would paint the nails hot pink. 

photo: Imelda

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Disney Princesses- Where are they now?

    

If you ever wondered what happened to the Disney hoes Princesses after Disney traded them in for Pixar’s computer- animated characters, wonder no longer. Dina Goldstein found them fitting into real life quite nicely except that they haven’t modified their wardrobe, yet. Because a Disney Princess can be you or me without the fou-fou dress (or with)… here’s proof. Yeah… that’s me. Anyway, Goldstein’s photographs resonates the saying ‘A picture can tell a million words’ or something like that. The next time your daughter wants to look like a princess, flash them these photos and tell them to study! Here’s a quick list on the images.

Snow White , barefoot and pregnant. Prince Charming turns out to be a loser.

Jasmine on a jihad.

Little Red Riding Hood , a fattie fattie bo battie- no wonder the fox wants to eat her. 

Rapuntzel has cancer/chemo.

Cinderella may be an alkie. 

Check out Goldstein’s site for more cool photographs.

photos: Dina Goldstein

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Don’t get lipstick on those collars!

Here’s a photo from the  National Institute of Fashion Technology (NIFT) in Hyderabad, India. I find this FUG on all levels. They didn’t even unfold the shirts from the package. I bet the cardboard innards are still intact. L.A.Z.Y. Having said that, I do like the white collar, colored shirt look for men. It looks really hip until those Verizon sales people start wearing them. Then , it’s time to find something else. 

photo: Day Life 

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Cute Claws!

 

Those Japanese don’t fupe around when it comes to their nails! These are some pretty elaborate designs for such a miniscule area of space. Kawaii Nails offers a wide range of cute pre-made designs that would make Lee Press-Ons cry. Ranging from fruit, sushi, bows, bears, hello kitty, desserts, the toilet bowl, a steak dinner… no, only cute things and it should be pink (which I have qualms about!) When I was a younger and a more punky Roxy, I too, wore nails that discouraged me from biting my nails and made wiping my ass a daunting task. Here’s proof. Anyway, you can get the kits here. Remember, keep it pink and cute as possible to keep yourself looking like a Long Island house wife. 

 

photos: Kawaii nails

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Hell to the NO!

American Apparel has done the most viscious act anyone can do to a fashionista. The evil hair band that resembles an umbilical cord, known as a Scrunchie, is in the midst of a resurrection from demon lovers who call themselves, American Apparel. One who wears a scrunchie gives a tell -tale sign that:

a) they are from the midwest

b) Arby’s qualifies as a  restaurant

c) they typically wear sweatshirts with kittens in santa- wear on it. 

d) they believe fluff is a condiment , not only for peanut butter

e) Walmart is their boutique, hair salon and grocery store all in one

Stop the spread of this terrible thing, by ripping it off the head and immediately snipping it with scissors. Do it!

 

photos:American Apparel

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